Somewhere Down In Texas

We were at a concert in a Texas dance hall when we found these ladies. First of all, if a female is going to wear a cowboy hat, she needs to at least get it shaped correctly. Second, females shouldn't wear cowboy hats unless they are working. And even then, I'm skeptical. But what I really want to know is - where can I get one of those shiny shirts that I can tie under my boobs like it is 1996 again?