Pizza Delivery?

I know that Domino's recently revamped their pizza, but I don't think it is THAT good.

Some Things Shouldn't Be *Hearted*

The car that had this on the window had some kind of baton twirling sticker/magnet on every window and every side of the vehicle.

Do people really *heart* baton twirling? Really? I'm laughing hysterically.

Sir, Someone Stole the Sleeves Off Your Shirt

Under no circumstances should a man ever wear only a tank top out of the house.

Do you hear me?

UNDER. NO. CIRCUMSTANCES.

This guy gets two punches because he actually layered his white wife beater with a navy blue one.

Dude, that look is for chicks.

Yeah, two punches in the face and a "you know why!"

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?

OMG - this guy needs to be punched in the face for a variety of reasons - the least of which is that he is driving a bright yellow car.

The most important reason is because he blew through a red light today and almost hit me! When Tyler came to a complete stop (after me slamming on my brakes) we were only like 5 inches from this car. Then what does the driver do?

Hits the gas and keeps driving.

Sir, you almost hit me and at least one other vehicle, after running a red light that had been red for at least 4 seconds. I hope you had a REALLY bad day!

There Is Such a Thing as A Stupid Question

I was at the gas station this morning filling up on my way to work. There was a woman at the kiosk who wanted to buy a bag of ice.

So the attendant asked her, "Would you like the 10 lb. or 20 lb. bag?"

And do you know what her response was?

"How big is the 20 lb. bag?"

And she asked it with a straight face.

Explanation Needed

Can someone please explain these shoes to me? 

I just don't get it.

Oh No!

I was leaving the grocery store the other day and this girl was walking in front of me.

Do those shoes/socks look familiar?

Let me give you a hint:

Yeah, she was wearing these flip flops! I was appalled!

And it was probably like 110 degrees outside  - and those "socks" are not made of a breathable material. Trust me.

Doot, Doot, Doo, Looking Out My Office Window...

O'Dub took this picture from my office window today. Moments earlier, the man you see laying on the grass under the tree walked past the window. On the concrete. Barefoot.

Besides that being disgusting it had to be uncomfortable. (Unless he has feet like Bubba with so many calluses you can't feel when someone holds fire next to your feet.)

Bounce House

For the Fourth of July I went down to Southern AZ to celebrate in small town fashion. After the parade on Sunday, there was a street fair/carnival downtown.

Where they had three bounce houses.

They were free to go in, and no one was in charge of supervision.

Whoever came up with this plan needs a really good punch between the eyes.

I almost started spanking other people's children...

Stickers...Ugh

I hate those stupid family stickers that people put on their cars.

But this one is the worst I've seen yet.

Skulls? Really?

Barefoot and Crazy!

What is with these people? Back in October of last year, I encountered a girl who needed to be punched in the face at a my local gas station.

Today, Dirty must have found her brother. Is it really that hard to put shoes on?

I mean, flips are 2 for $5 at Old Navy (which happens to be right across the street from this particular gas station).

Speaking of being barefoot, Diddy is a freak about it. He said that the header of my other blog is gross because it is a picture of my feet. He is such a weirdo.

Patterns

I'm not sure you can see it in this picture - this young lady was walking away from me and I was pushing a stroller and corralling kids while trying to take the picture.

But she is definitely wearing a striped shirt and plaid shorts.

Despite what Superfan thought when she was like 5 years old, "pink to pink" does not equal matching.

And really, the side pockets on those shorts do nothing for her hips.

Road Construction

First, an apology - I'm so sorry I have been MIA!

I know there are people out there who need our attention, but so does my job. And my sleep deprivation.

Oh, and my vacation...

But I'm back!

So here we go...

There has been a lot of road construction around my office lately.

Who am I kidding? There has been a lot of road construction in my entire life lately.

What you see in this picture is about five men who are being paid by my tax dollars, standing around a hole that piece of equipment just made in the road, screwing with my commute.

They all need to be punched in the face! Get to work! Fix the road! Let me get back to the business of living and driving freely!

Furthermore, can someone explain to me why there is always road construction going on in a million different places? Wouldn't it make more sense to have everyone work on one project, get it completed, then move to the next project?

I understand there are steps, but I know there are numerous projects out there right now all in the same step.

I'm just saying, we could maybe practice a little efficiency.

Relaxation? Right!

First of all, this lady needs to be punched in the face. No explanation necessary.

But the real culprit in this post is yoga. An astute reader of my other blog recommended this post - thanks, Cheyenne!

You can read here and here why I hate yoga so much.

But if you don't believe me, get the P90X yoga DVD and try it yourself.

HATE!

(Wow - I got a little crazy with the links today...)

A Problem....And A Solution

It makes me absolutely crazy when girls wear racerback tanks with regular bras and their straps hang out.

I mean CRAZY! They make racerback bras!

And just in case you can't afford one of those, or you refuse to buy them for whatever reason, they now make these:

And I've seen them at Walgreens - for like $9.99. Totally worth the money!

Shirtless Monday?

This submission comes to us from Match.mom. There are few things that she hates more than men in public with their shirts off. This hate is increased when they are in the driver's seat of their vehicle.

Now, it doesn't matter to Match whether of not you have the body to justify going shirtless, but I think she captured a great example of someone who REALLY should not walk out of the house without something covering himself.

And really, what is he doing?

More Stickers...

Oh yeah, at the bottom of all of those stars, that sticker says, "Bitches."

I wonder where I can get one of my own.

And, of course, we have the Playboy Bunny. What exactly does it mean if you have this sticker on your vehicle? Are you, in fact, a Playboy Bunny? Do you just read the magazine (for the articles of course)? I mean, really? What does this say about you?

Flip Flops and Socks

Dirty and I were doing a little economic stimulus of our own on Monday when we encountered this ridiculousness! Obviously you all know that socks are not to be worn with flip flops. They are not to be worn with sandals at all, just in case you were wondering. But this company has created what they called a flip sock or tube flop or something like that. It is essentially the top of a tube sock attached to a flip flop.

First of all, let me tell you that it was a logistical nightmare to get this thing on.

Second of all, it costs upwards of $30!

Are people really buying these??

Sticker Shock

There really are no words for this, but I'll try to find some... I think we have covered in earlier posts how I feel about stickers on cars. What I should really do is thank these people for just driving around and proving my point. What this sticker tells me is that the fellow who drives this Bronco likes big women (who also have late 80s/early 90s bangs). I'm just not sure you have to advertise that on the back of your vehicle.

The Devil Is In the Details

I was in Starbucks in Flagstaff the other day and this girl was in line in front of me. In case you can not read the tattoo - it says, "Warning: SheDevil."

What possesses people to do this to themselves?

And I'm convinced that a couple of days earlier she was in the Phoenix Metro area:

Klassy! With a K!

Does Fashion Get Any Better Than This?

I snapped this picture while I was in line at a grocery store in west Mesa on Saturday. This woman is just defying all...

First of all, those overalls. Oh, those overalls. What you can't see is that they are cut-offs and the ends are frayed, a very classy look. Then, that tank top that shows off her tattoos so nicely - it's almost like it was made for her.

And as if on cue, the little boy turned to his father as I snapped this picture and said, "I just found my new favorite NASCAR driver."

Pallet Mover

Sir, where are you going with all of those pallets? And do you really think that it is safe to drive like that?

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!

As you read in a previous post, I hate birds! So when Dirty, Diddy, and I were headed to Prescott for a dinner one day and we got behind this guy I almost died!

Yes, that is his pet bird on his shoulder. The cage is on the passenger seat.

I wanted more than anything for the window to roll down and the bird to escape.

It didn't happen.

More License Plate Fun

Really?

The truth is, I like a little "Dirty Pop" myself, but am I driving around advertising it? I don't think so.

And this was a business truck.

If this guy pulled up to my house to do work I would have a really hard time taking him seriously.

Now that's just funny.

Somehow, I don't think the MCSO thinks so though.

Dub Tee Eff?

Banana snapped this one in Target recently. Look closely, those are peanuts sitting on top of those boxes. And I'm pretty sure one of them has been sucked on.

Come on, people - this is disgusting.

My first question is, did you bring your own peanuts to Target?

Were you so hungry that you couldn't wait to open the bag you picked up in the grocery section?

Either way, did you suck the salt off one of them before you left it here for the unsuspecting Snuggie customer to find?

Gross.

I'm Back, Bitches!

Sorry for the absence of posts, I've been very busy.

Get ready though - it's about to get good!

This Is Getting Out Of Hand

For the love of all that is good and holy...Pet Photos with the Easter Bunny?

Fifteen dollars???

I think I'm going to be sick...

Excuse Me, Sir, You Missed a Few Buttons.

Oh, you also missed the sign that said, "2010." Ok - first of all, thank you for unbuttoning your shirt to the middle of your chest so that I could fully appreciate your hairiness. Second of all, are the stripes on that shirt shiny and gold? Oh Lord, help me - I'm going to swoon.

Grow Up

This picture was captured at a Clay Walker concert a couple of weeks ago. These two women pushed their way up to the stage so that they could stand there and make inappropriate gestures at the band members. I am not kidding you. I was embarrassed for them! It was ridiculous! I wish this picture fully illustrated their faces - you would want to punch them too!

Somewhere Down In Texas

We were at a concert in a Texas dance hall when we found these ladies. First of all, if a female is going to wear a cowboy hat, she needs to at least get it shaped correctly. Second, females shouldn't wear cowboy hats unless they are working. And even then, I'm skeptical. But what I really want to know is - where can I get one of those shiny shirts that I can tie under my boobs like it is 1996 again?

Hillbilly Crazies

Diddy, O'Connor and I attended the County Republican Party meeting last weekend and below is a small sample of what we encountered...

O'Connor found these folks. This baby was not secure in this contraption. Her head was bouncing all over and she was nearly suffocating. In 8 years she is probably going to be a member of the Home School TARS, poor kid.

If you need me to tell you what is wrong with this picture, there is no hope for you. I will do it anyway, but I hope you're only reading for entertainment, and not information.

Sir, you are going bald. Growing what hair you do have long, does not make up for the fact that you have none on top. And, in other news, the rat tail braid went out when I was in fourth grade. Actually, it wasn't even cool then, and was really only paired with Raiders gear in my home town.

Come On, Man

Some things are just too much for me to handle. For instance when people do not know the difference between your and you're. Or to, two, and too. I understand that we all get mixed up every now and then, but really? You didn't have someone proofread your professional website? I wish I could get my money back.

I Drink YOUR Milkshake!

While in San Diego last week, Banana ventured into Ben & Jerry's for some ice cream. These guys are raping people with their prices!

$7.89 for a milkshake??

I only have one question for them...

AMERICAN?